Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Review: Battleship? I really did make myself forget!

Hey, have I talked about this piece of trash of a movie called Battleship? My friend Mark lent it to me, and it seems the review totally left my conscious mind! That should tell ya somethin.

 Well anyway...if someone remembers it, I will take it down, but it is the strangest thing...

Lets talk about the movie Battleship for a moment...

Directed by Peter Berg

Taylor Kitsch as Lieutenant Alex Hopper
Alexander SkarsgÄrd as Commander Stone Hopper (Alex's older brother)
Rihanna as Gunner's Mate Second Class Cora Raikes
Brooklyn Decker as Samantha "Sam" Shane
Liam Neeson as Admiral Terrance Shane (father of Samantha Shane)

I would have to say that if I were a movie producer and wanted to be taken seriously by my industry, the last thing I would proudly extol was the fact that the multimillion dollar offering that I am making is based on a board type of game suitable for young children!

Somebody forgot to tell the folks that put together “Battleship”. Not even the good sense to come up with another name. Oh and I say put together deliberately. It is clear that the Battleship people were looking to cash in on the block buster movie of the summer, Transformers. There are scenes taken directly out the Transformers movie. What should be even more embarrassing is the clear references to Battleship! They go so far as to techno babble it up and call it part of the fire control system, ahhh, but no, it's the same game! So you can see why it is so hard to take this movie seriously.

That being the case, the “plot” of the movie is that Earth has been invaded by creatures that seem to be a cross between a porcupine and a hairless Mexican Chihuahua. Three advance ships try to land on Earth, but one hits a very large communications satellite and is destroyed. The remaining ships, for the balance of the movie, wreck havoc on the United States fleet in Hawaii. It would appear that the aliens are trying to contact the remaining fleet of ships using the large dishes on the island.

Some of this movie is so improbable that it is impossible to suspend belief. But then some reviewers have said that this is the worst movie ever is going a bit far for I have seen many that have been far far worse! That being said, I am confident in saying that this film is not aimed at an adult crowd, but towards those that like to experience lots of things blowing up and gratuitous violence.

That and the fact that it is eerily like the first and second Transformers movies to the point that you can confuse the two! So much so that I would say that if you have seen the first or second Transformers movie, don't bother with this one, but if you missed those films, this one will not be so bad.

The extras are pretty good. I really shows how much these people went through to get this film made.
You can't fault them for an honest try all but the original idea which is truly a faulty idea.

I would rate the movie a seven because of execution and the extras are an 8, lots of good stuff in there but it lacks some of the features that I have come to expect in extra, like a good running commentary.
So that gives us a movie rating overall of 15 and an average of 7.5 which I think is fair.  Borrow it if you must,  rent it if you have to, but buy it?  nope!


kallamis said...

Okay, so I'll wait for it to show up on Netflix or Amazon Prime for free then.
I love bad movies, but everything I've heard makes me think this is one of the JUST BAD movies.
I'll wait till it's free. Shouldn't be too long.

Beam Me Up said...

exactly, it is just a bad movie. Not in production, more in execution foolishness....Sorry you don't drift a nearly 70 year old battle cruiser...Movie magic? no, filmmaker laziness. Green-screen foolishness.

kallamis said...

Uggghhh, that's what I've heard. A 70 year old cruiser huh, okay.
I think I'll stick with my House 2, my Star Crash, etc. Well; I did say I love bad movies. Which reminds me, I need to review one on here that I found. I just have to go find it again and get the title. Once I remember the site I watched it on.
Oh, and I would give Super Jail a 9.4/10, just so you know. I love that overly disgusting violence filled disaster.

dennis said...

I feel obligated to give full disclosure. I am a medically retired U.S. Army officer who did not see the second Transformer movie until after I saw Battleship. The only reason I saw Battleship was because it starred Colonel Gregory Gadson, a bilateral above-the-knee amputee received in combat. He is still serving on active duty and is credited for providing the inspiration behind the New York Giants win over the Washington Redskins in Super Bowl XLII. He is a good guy.

My take? Contrary to other opinions, I really enjoyed the movie.

Beam Me Up said...

wow, superjail has got to be the only show where you can say disgusting violence and disaster in the same sentence and get away with it. Superjail is a wild choice, it certainly does make tea with disaster and serves disgusting in many flavors but that high a score? You would amost have to be either disgusting, violent, or a disaster...

Beam Me Up said...

Thanks Dennis, it is always good to have some inside info that the general public may not be fully aware of.

kallamis said...

Considering that there is actually nothing in which to relate superjail, it kind of stands on it's own right now. For that alone it gets such a high score.
Plus you just have to love it, or blatantly hate it. Luckily I have a GF that must be as sick as I am. She watches it as well.

Beam Me Up said...

Nothing like it so it stands alone? lol Rationalization! A ten penny nail hammered between your eyes is certainly something that has never happened before...I suspect that should that happen the reaction would not be "how curious, this never happened before" I suspect instead that the reaction would resemble a stooges skit, Spinning in circles on the floor screaming "there's a fuckin nail in my head!" Superjail and a nail I suspect delivers equal amounts of pain as well. Oh don't get me wrong, I watch SJ, but I also see the wisdom of secreting sharp objects before I do so.